Meet Kip, dad blogger supreme and all round lovely bloke. In his debut post for our Kiddicare blog he writes – frankly! – about four things he never ever thought he’d do. And admit to.
1. Golden showers
Not enjoyable and definitely not in the way you think. If you have an issue with bodily fluids then don’t have a baby. Adopt them from five onwards. I never thought I’d be okay with being, pee-ed and sicked on. Little G was quite a sickly child and seemed to spend most of her first few years with one kind of bug or another. Having a little boy also brought a new set of challenges; let’s call them ‘fountains’. If G ever pee-ed during a nappy change you’d end up with a little puddle. When it happened with J, you never really knew where it was going to hit: the wall, the curtains, your face… but, as annoying as it is, you don’t generally mind – it’s not their fault and it can be hilarious, which leads on to…
2. The human poop-a-scoop
One day whilst changing J’s nappy, a “Mr Whippy special” was ordered by the little man which completely caught me off-guard. In a moment of panic, I stuck my hand under his bum to catch it and stop it from going all over the changing mat. I was stood there, holding a poo for no logical reason other than my panic forced me to protect the plastic, wipe-able surface.
3. Punching a nurse in the face
OK, I didn’t punch a nurse in the face, but I wanted to with my parenting instinct. A few hours after G was born they needed to take a small amount of blood from her. I dutifully carried her to a room where there was a nurse waiting. The nurse laid her down and pricked her foot to collect a tiny bit of blood. Poor little G woke up and screamed, piercing my heart. I could feel my fist clench as a surge of anger ran through me. I wanted to punch the nurse in the face. I couldn’t believe it, I’d *never* wanted to punch ANYONE in the face, least of all a nurse. My parental instinct to love and protect my daughter were there already, even after a few hours, but I never thought I’d want to punch a nurse.
4. Become a speaking clock
“It’s 9pm – go to sleep!”; “G, it’s 8am, get a move on or you’ll be late for school!”; “You have to be back by 6pm – sharp – or there’ll be trouble!” and so on. This sense of time keeping is a parenting thing as you want your child well-rested, on time and safe. I never expected to worry as much as I do now. G is getting to an age where she wants to ‘play out’ or walk around town on her own. I don’t want to stop her, I did it at the same age, but honestly, the aching heart palpitations I have every second she’s out of my sight are insane. I’m constantly checking the clock to see how long she’s got left before she’s due home and don’t feel right until she’s back. So basically, I’ve turned into a Dad; that’s right, with a capital D.
Should this be the final point of my post? Turning into something I never thought would happen when G was born when I was just 22? *Gulp*