The Second Child’s Short Straw?
With our first baby I knew exactly how many days old she was, what milestones she ‘should’ be hitting, we took her to get weighed every two weeks and fretted for ages over every decision: should I let her have a dummy? When is the right age to stop swaddling? What should be her first ‘solid’ food? And so on….
With our second born, our son, I’ve spent ages telling people he was three weeks older than he really is, he’s not been weighed by the health visitor for months, when he was born he wasn’t showered with gifts from friends and family to the extent our daughter was, he got the hand me down nursery with Annie’s old cot and mobile and I’ve totally forgotten how I weaned Annie so am making it up as I go along with him.
As a result, I can’t help but feel like poor old Ezra has drawn the short straw in the baby stakes BUT the other way of looking at his situation is that he’s been spared all the stress of being the first born. For example, I’ve known what to do when he’s been upset, the best way of getting a baby to sleep, what to do when he’s felt poorly and how long to wait before calling the doctor.
There’s been no real learning curve for us and him because we’ve already been through most of it with Annie. I was much more confident with him as a newborn because I knew from experience that he wouldn’t break. I’m so much more relaxed with him and I’m also less concerned about when he hits his milestones; he’s a healthy happy little guy and that’s enough.
I do worry that he has to share us with his sister but my husband and I make sure we spend time with each one of them on their own so they know that they’re not just one half of ‘our kids’ but their own little individuals.
I wouldn’t fret. I have 3 girls – J(13), S(3 1/2) and N(17 mths). I did worry more between the younger two. When S was born it was like being a 1st time mum again, so I also did all the panicking, weighing, regular check-ups, checking the books of where they ‘should’ be at a certain point.
When N was born, she’s only ever been weighed once at the baby clinic – I did it myself at home every few months after that. She is also a ‘hand-me-down’ baby wearing just about everything from S. Same clothes, cot, blankets, toys to some extent!
However, the benefit that N has is that she is deveoping faster it seems. She has S to look up to and therefore wants to be like her older sister. I’m more relaxed so she can do more things so they appear closer in age. She is speaking well, a real little dare-devil, and wants never to be outdone by S
Well done you for being chilled out. It’s not easy with 2 or more children but I definitely feel you relax more as you have more
This article made me laugh – I’m exactly the same with my second, I have to get the calendar out to work out how many weeks she is whereas with my son I knew how old he was without looking! Ditto with the weaning!! I am so glad I’m not the only one and I feel less guilty since you have pointed out the good sides – I am more relaxed with my daughter and I don’t get stressed over the little things that I agonised over with my son meaning I can enjoy her more.
Thanks guys, I do worry sometimes that I’m the only one like this!
It’s hard to devote as much time to Ezra as I did to Annie when she was born but he’ll have me all to himself when she starts school so I guess it’s swings & roundabouts.
Same here guys. So much more relaxed the second time. My son only ate home made weaning food. Worried about everything and if there wasn’t anything to worry about I still worried!!!
But I do think it is good for your lil one when we are relaxed.
My only worry is that I have so many more pics of my first compared to my second!!! There you go again – something to worry!! Lol