How do you know when your family is complete?
For as long as I can remember I have dreamed of being a Mummy, of having children of my own. I have always said that I was born to be a Mum (when the time was right). Of course now I am a Mum and stepmum, I have a 10 year old stepson and a daughter and son of my own but yet still I keep asking myself (and Hubby) “maybe one more?”.
When I was pregnant with my daughter i just knew that I would want another baby soon after, unfortunately this wasn’t to be as we had two miscarriages before we fell again for our son. Throughout my pregnancy and labour with him I kept saying to my husband and anyone who asked “no, he’s definitely the last”. I distinctly remember sitting in the delivery suite after giving birth saying to the Midwife “there you go I’ve done my bit for humanity now it’s someone else’s turn”. But then in the weeks and months that followed, every time I looked into my son’s most gorgeous eyes a niggling feeling kept creeping back into my womb “I’ve still got space for one more”.
I tried telling myself that it wasn’t practical to have one more, we have a four bedroom house, everyone has their own room, their own space. If we add one more then someone has to give up ‘their’ space and share it with a sibling OR we have to sacrifice the playroom? But really, is that enough of a reason to NOT have another baby?
Next I tried telling myself that since my son was such a Mummy’s boy, he wouldn’t take kindly to Mummy having another baby, HE was my baby. But as friends around me have had more babies, he hasn’t batted an eyelid at Mummy holding them. Instead he has shown his beautiful sweet nature and gently stroked the babies cheeks. He hasn’t shown a hint of jealousy at all.
A few months ago Hubby said that he didn’t want more children, he felt that our family was complete and that was the end of it. But this only made me want another baby more. Being told that I wasn’t allowed more children made me yearn more and more.
Next came the news that my stepson’s Mummy was now pregnant, WITH TWINS, and again I felt that kick in my tummy. Each time someone new announced their pregnancy I felt a twinge and a pang of jealously, why not me? But still I told myself it wasn’t practical, we should stick with the gorgeous family we have.
Then it occurred to me, the thing that I am finding hard to get to grips with is that I have always said I wanted three children. I have three children but at the same time, I don’t. No matter how much I treat my stepson as my own child, he isn’t and he never will be. He has a mum, I am his stepmum. I didn’t feel him kicking in my tummy, I didn’t give birth to him and I wasn’t there when he first opened his eyes. I have always joked that he was my freebie, I didn’t have to push him out but as painful as it is, I loved giving birth to my daughter and my son and I do feel that I want to do it, just one more time.
About six weeks ago, Hubby spoke to me again asking “was I still wanting another baby?”. “I think so” was my reply. “Well we should think about it sooner rather than later if you do” he said. And that’s all that we have really said on the matter. Suddenly it has become an option again and so the floodgates have opened on the next barrel of questions in my head; Will it upset the dynamics of our family? Can we afford another child? We already have three gorgeous healthy children, what if the next one is a complete little sod or (god-forbid) not healthy like the others?
How do you know when your family is complete?
I am about to have baby number 8, and that feeling of ‘wanting’ another baby is the strangest thing ever….
I look at it this way……..yes my children share bedrooms to sleep in, but we all sit down to dinner together, we do things as a family all the time and everybody has access to their own space should they need it.
Hubby and I are self employed so we have the luxury of being able to decide when we work, freeing us up to spend time with the children. Although we have had to make sacrifices due to this, we holiday in this country and only once every two years…we dont do takeaways (too expensive) and our days out tend to be nature trails/walks in the wood/sandcastle building rather than theme parks, but to be honest the children prefer this anyway.
At the end of the day, our reasons for wanting a child are selfish, no matter how many you have already. Even if you are hankering after your first baby, you dont want that child for any other reason that YOU want it…so it should be no different!
I say go for it! have number three and look to the future with wonder and amazement, as that is what all of my gorgeous babies bring to me every single day
xxx
I am currently pregnant with my second child. I always knew I wanted 2 children and very nearly stopped at one after struggling to conceive for the second time. I think hormones in the months after having a baby might make me want another but there is no chance. Conception and pregnancy is so hard on me and it wouldnt be fair on my existing children. Plus the cost aspect – we will be comfortable supporting 2 children. Now I don’t want to spoil my kids or make them think they can have what they want/silly brands etc. I wasn’t brought up that way. But I do want the money to have lots of interesting educational holidays around the world and be able to support them in whatever hobby/passion takes their fancy.
So immediately after this baby is born I will take “permanent measures” to ensure she is our last. No chance of accidents or changes of heart.
I’m currently pregnant with number 2, due in 7 weeks. My husband was reluctant to have a second and has told me point blank that he’ll be getting the snip once this one is born. The thought of it sends me into a panic. I want a large family, before we married husband said the same but since we had our daughter he’s changed. She was an easy baby and is a lovely toddler so it’s not her putting him off… The only reason he can give us that he lives her so much and will love no2 so much that he can’t imagine being able to love anymore as much!! I really don’t know how I’m going to except having even the possibility if more children taken away…. But how do you compromise!!!