Nerve-jangling child #2′s scan
Although I’ve been trying to convince myself otherwise, I’m actually more nervous about my second child than I am about my first.
When we were expecting Jack, I was the epitome of tranquillity throughout my wife’s pregnancy and even during labour. I even surprised myself by keeping my cool during the rather stressful, semi-emergency forceps delivery after Jack’s heart rate dropped.
I mention this because today we had our 20-week scan. It was all good news, and all the organs are in the right place, functioning well, etc. We were also ecstatic to hear that we’re having a little girl.
But I’ve not been able to shake a latent, niggling anxiety in the back of my mind. Perhaps it’s the result of excitement and anticipation, but there is definitely a little bit of fear there too.
Obviously, there’s nothing strange about feeling a little bit anxious as an expectant parent. What has me confused is the fact that I didn’t feel this way with Jack.
It’s particularly odd that I’m feeling this more acutely after the 20-week scan. This is supposed to be a reassuring event and certainly did wonders for my wife, whose nervous anticipation has been building over the last few days.
For me though, finding out baby is ok has been accompanied by more anxiety, not less.
There are obvious differences, of course. Having Jack to contend with alongside a small baby is one more thing to think about. However, I suspect it’s having been through the whole thing already that is affecting me.
Having endured one fairly traumatic birth – minor though it was compared to some – I’m very keen to avoid another.
I’ve also got an inkling that living further away from my family than we did when we had Jack is playing on my mind. Both of our parents are now three hours away, rather than the three minutes they were in 2007 when Jack was born.
This is significant, not least for help with baby, but also for that little bit of extra comfort and re-assurance that only parents can give, even to adult children like myself. In short – and laughably – part of me really wants my mummy!