Lily Allen album cover Sheezus

Should Women Tone Down their Sexuality Post-Baby?

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Never one to shy away from controversy, it’s not Lily Allen’s new No 1 album sparking the debate, it’s her comments about sexual antics versus motherhood. Two journalists and new mums go head to head…

The UK singer recently revealed how she was giving up some of her sexy routines for her next tour to please her husband, Sam Cooper.

Mum to Ethel, two, and 15-month-old Marnie, Lily said: “He’s told me to tone it down now I’m a mum. On my last tour, when I sang ‘Not Fair,’ I used to act out fellatio using my microphone. Recently I have been rehearsing for this new tour and Sam said, ‘You’re not doing that thing again are you?’ I said not if he didn’t want me to. And he said no as he didn’t think it’s good for the kids.”

But should mums – famous or not – need to tone down the sexier parts of their personality after having kids? Here, two journalists (and mums) battle it out…


Sally who thinks women should tone it down

Sally Windsor

Sally Windsor, mum to six-year-old Ruby, says: “Bravo Lily, I’m glad you’ve decided to stop your unbecoming role-play on stage. There comes a time in every mother’s life when certain boundaries should no longer be crossed, and I’m glad husband Sam steered Lily in the direction of decency.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for women retaining their sexuality all through their lifetimes, mothers or not. But aren’t there different ways of showing it?

The dignified sexuality of a woman like Angelia Jolie transcends the likes of a twerking Miley Cyrus by far, in my opinion. And without a twin-set or pinafore in sight.

Although they are too young to realise it now, I’ve got no doubt that Lily’s daughters will look back on their mum’s decision in years to come, and be very thankful of it.
There are certain things about our mums that no child really wants to be reminded of, and how accomplished they are in sexual acts has got to be fairly high up on the list.

It’s no different to a mum turning up at the school gates in a bum-skimming leather mini-skirt and see-through top; there is a time and a place to put these things down for good, lest be judged forever – often with children tarnished with the same brush.

As for showing respect for our partners, I definitely agree with Mr Cooper that some things should remain sacred.

Whether Lily’s real motivation for toning her act down was for her husband or her daughters, she is thinking like a grown-up – rather than a naff pop star.”


Sally who thinks no women shouldn't tone down their sexuality

Anna Wharton with daughter Gracie

Anna Wharton, mum to 21-month-old Gracie, says: “I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief that Lily’s has quit certain parts of her raunchy stage show, but that’s nothing to do with her being a mum, it’s because they were in poor taste to start with.

But the reasons she’s cited for doing it, I’m a little dubious about. She says her husband, Sam, said she should stop for the sake of their kids, but isn’t that just suggesting mums can’t be in touch with their sexuality?

I remember when I was pregnant people would tell me ‘being a mum changes your whole character’. But it doesn’t, and to be honest, thank goodness for that.

Of course we all need to mind our ps and qs a bit more once we have little ones running around, but the idea of suppressing yourself as a woman seems ridiculous to me – and that includes your sexuality.

Daughters need good role models – for all areas of their lives. And anyway, it’s not as if Lily has given up twerking for the kids – I don’t think two-year-olds understand the irony of her ‘Hard Out Here’ video.

Admit it Lily, you quit the on-stage sexy antics because it was crass. End of.

So stop using your children as a scapegoat, and just admit that you did it to please the men in your crowd initially, and you’re giving it up to please another man. Otherwise you’re just giving all us mums yet another thing to feel guilty about!”

So whose camp are you in? Or do you disagree altogether? We’d love to know. Pop a comment in the box below and for more Marmite musings follow Anna on Twitter @whartonswords.

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  1. ofciurse it’s yes.. if we behave like we are still teenagers to our children. .what will they turn out like? Wharton?

    bea bea
  2. I agree with Anna. I don’t feel it is about whether you are a mum or not. Surely it should come down to whether your behaviour is sending out the right message.

    In the world we live in women are still seen, it feels like more than ever, as sexual objects. Sex seems to sell everything. I believe we should all have the right and freedom to have a healthy sex life (and what that is is down to the consenting adults involved) but why does that have to become all that we are or dominate our projection of self as women. It objectifies women. Women fought long and hard and some even died for us to have the right to vote and pave the way for us to have the right to equality. I think we should give a more subjective message, not just to children but back to the world we live in, especially women who have such a large audience.

    Woman is not just tits and ass. Woman is not just a sum of physical attributes and orifices. Woman is strong, woman is brave, woman is patient, intelligent, caring. We have opinions, depth, feelings, instincts and above all LOVE.

    We deserve and should have respect. If all we are boiled down to in the mix of the world we live in is images of submissive and sexual objects, body parts, then there really is something wrong.

    What we get up to in the bedroom or wherever floats our boats is our business. When did it become everyones business and the thing that women ourselves use to sell ourselves on?

    As women we need to think about the world we are in. Together and en masse we can readdress this crazy message that is becoming the norm.

    Women fought long and hard and some even died for us to have the right to vote and pave the way for us to have the right to equality. I think we should give a more subjective message, not just to children but back to the societywe live in, especially women who have such a large audience.

    If as a society in general we were less obsessed with what was on the outside and focused more on the inside and judged people on their actions, thoughts, ideas, achievements, feelings etc. I think the world we live in and the environment that our children were growing up in would be far more nurturing and healthy for individuals to flourish.

  3. Thank you Bea Bea. And thank you Eliza for your beautifully articulated and considered response. Great to have your input ladies.

    Vicky x


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